An HvZ Survivor Story

Hello Readers!

I realize it has been quite some time since I have last written. I also realize that up until this point this blog has been rather serious. However, a  journal of my experiences playing Humans vs Zombies at Oklahoma State has been requested by many, and I honestly have no other place to put it. Therefore, I give you the HvZ Survivor Story. (Please keep in mind, some details have been embellished and names have been changed.)

For those of you who do not know, Humans vs Zombies is a game  that was invented by two college students (from somewhere on the east coast, I believe) in 2005. Seven years later, it has gained huge popularity on college campuses across the U.S. What is the premise of the game, you ask? Essentially, it is a glorified game of tag. The "human" team wears green bandannas around their arms and carry around Nerf blasters. Their objective is to survive the 5 days that the game is played. They must get to class safely during the day by hopping in between "safe zones" (my apartment counts as one, thank goodness) on campus, and are given "missions" to complete during the evening hours.  The "zombie" team wears green bandannas around their heads. Their objective is to tag humans (also called "feeding") without being shot by a Nerf blaster. If a zombie is shot by a blaster, they are "stunned" for 15 minutes and may not participate during that time. If a human is tagged, they have been "eaten" and must wait an hour before rejoining the game as a zombie. Simple, right? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Before I begin my story, I would like to make at least one comment regarding my own particular disposition. I regard myself as fairly cool-headed. Not much gets me excited, and I pride myself in being the logical thinker in most situations. This game is apt to challenge every cool headed thought I have ever had.

My first experience began with the Human Briefing the night before the game was to begin. We were all gathered into one place, and given a briefing for the "plot" surrounding the game. This did not interest me, so I will waste little time writing about it. Suffice to say, the bad leader of the zombies is wreaking havoc upon the good human colony and we must stop them.. blah blah blah. One thing of note that I did learn from the briefing is that for the first day, there were going to be three "original zombies". These zombies are disguised as humans until they eat 10 poor souls, when they are finally revealed as zombies. In other words, we have devils among us. Kyle = already paranoid.

Cut to Morning numero uno. This is a Wednesday, and I have four classes, one right after the other, from 8:30-12:30. I have a lot of ground to cover. For those of you who have never been on OSU campus, they tell you during freshman orientation that you can get from one point on campus to any other point on campus in 10 minutes. Whoever determined this must have been an Olympic sprinter. Anyway, all that to say is that four classes covers on average 40 minutes of walking time and lots of distance. Kyle = getting more and more paranoid.

As I take off Wednesday morning leaving the safety of my apartment, I begin to see the "original zombies" around every corner. I determine that I can trust no one, and keep my six shot Nerf pistol close. It is loaded and ready to rock and roll. I am determined to be cool headed, and think my way through this. I will survive. All of a sudden I see a girl with a green bandanna around her arm approaching me on the sidewalk. She is human, but not to be trusted. There are devils among us. She could be one of those tricky original zombies. I begin to get agitated, but remain calm. I am a mere 200 feet from my classroom. I need the safety of that building. She gets closer. I am a cool headed individual. I will survive.

She stretches out her hand and smiles, "Hey there! Human, right? Want a high-five?"

"GET AWAY FROM MEEEE!!" I screeched in her face.

Pop. Thwap. I shot her just in case.

I continue on my calm, collected way. Class proceeds without any other incident.

Cut to Mission numero uno. All of the humans who had survived school that day were instructed to meet at a set place to be briefed again on mission objectives for the evening. I was encouraged to see that there were quite a number of us left. I wore a simple long sleeved Mossy Oak camo shirt and a baseball cap. Some of us, I observed, were prepared not only for a game of Humans vs. Zombies but for the apparent invasion of the Communist Chinese Army. These particular individuals had everything from body armour to tactical radios and headsets. I half expected to see them packing a couple of fragmentation grenades and a Beretta for a sidearm. As one of my friends, Jack, remarked, "Some people take this way too seriously."

Our mission, was, once again nothing of very much consequence. Some baloney about reactivating the power generators or something similar. The human team completed the mission in hardly any time at all, and my squad did our part without seeing a single zombie. We met again as a huge group, were debriefed, and told to be safe and not get eaten. I have to admit, at this point I was quite disappointed. After all, I joined this game to shoot zombies, not activate power generators. Little did I know, my boredom was to be short-lived.

Considering the fact that we had not even seen a zombie during the mission, much less discharged our blasters, my squad was of a like mind when it came to the disappointment. In order to relieve this disappointment, we decided that the remainder of our evening would be spent "zombie hunting". This proved to be a very bad, albeit not boring, choice. We set off in the direction of the most recent zombie sighting. We were led by our unofficial squad leader (I shall refer to him as Mullet) into the darkness of campus. Our squad was composed of about six members including myself. Jack was apart of this squad, as well as an enormous man I shall refer to as Hulk. Hulk seemed to have a temperament more in common with a mouse than a hulk. He was jumpy, to say the least.

As we walked across campus, searching for zombies, I happened to sight a lone brain eater walking away from us. "Hey guys," I said calmly, "not to freak anyone out. But there is a zombie about 100 yards away to our right."

Hulk dived into the nearest bush.

"He doesn't even see us," said Mullet.

"Yeah, we are fine." I said.

"Is he gone?" the bush said.

After much walking and very little zombie-sighting, we were again very discouraged. OSU seemed to be entirely devoid of zombies, and our Nerf blasters were practically breaking from no use. Just as we were about to call it a night and retire to the safety of our respective dorms, someone called out, "Guys! Huge group of zombies. Right to our front. I don't think they see us."

Hulk dived into another bush.

"Well, what do we do?" Jack said.

Their was a red fire I could see glinting in Mullet's eyes. I wondered briefly if it was the redneck blood boiling over, or if it was simply solid heroism in the face of terrible odds. I then wondered briefly if there was any difference. He gave me a crazy smile.

"We ah gonna chahge 'em!" Mullet cried.

Before any of us could react, Mullet took off. It seemed to me for a brief moment he was clothed in a Confederate flag. I could have sworn he let loose a Rebel yell as he ran. Not thinking, we all followed. Even Hulk extricated himself from his bush to join the glorious "chahge".

The ensuing melee was terrible. Jack was one of the first to go down. I saw Mullet meet his demise under a horde of zombies, laughing maniacally and yelling as if his voice alone would make the South rise again. I myself managed to slay 3 zombies before my Nerf pistol jammed. Looking to my left I saw Hulk. Our eyes met. Instantly we communicated almost telepathically. It was clear what we had to do.

We ran like little girls.

And when I say little girls, I mean like little Olympic sprinter girls.

With Nerf blasters and Mossy Oak camo.

As I sit here safe in my dorm room, I reflect. I realize I have learned two things this day:

1. Trust no one. There are devils among us.

2. Do not follow the leadership of Confederates. Their obsession with glorious "chahges" is hazardous to your health.

I have survived the first day.

And they are still after me.